...So you walk into the bathroom at your place of employment and there at one of the two urinals stands a 60+ year old man with his pants dropped to his ankles, baring the big white bum his momma gave him to the whole world. Do you:
A. Turnaround and run
B. Elect to use a stall and stay in until he leaves
C. Use the urinal next to him and try not to choke from holding back the laughter like an 8 year old that passes gas during family prayer.
Unfortunately I chose C. Honestly, you think the guy could have figured out how to use his fly sometime in the last 70 years. I wish I had had the presence of mind to say something like, "it sure is drafty in here." This is also the first time I have wished that I owned a camera phone. Apparently this isn't his first "sighting." If I can get a picture it is going on the blog. He doesn't work in my office so I'll have to lure him out. Maybe I'll leave a free bowl of punch in the lobby and spike it with some kind of prostate enlarging chemical. Old Cheeky will be in there every 10 minutes after that. Anyway, good luck getting rid of this mental picture.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I'm back.....
... by semi-popular demand.
It's true I have a new job. I'm coming up on my one-month anniversary. They might as well just fire me now and get it over with.
So, I didn't get a job because I didn't like unemployment, it was great. I spent time pondering important questions like:
"How much can a guy get for a teetotalling kidney these days?"
Unfortunately I was no longer getting paid to write this blog, so I quit. I wasn't about to let the blog people fire me too.
My new job is cool. By cool I mean I'll have lots to write about.
For starters, last Thursday was the worst day of my life. I'm an hourly worker, which means I have to actually be at work for an hour to get paid for it. Long ago a very wise man decided he should get paid whether he worked or not. He called his plan "Salary."
There are two types of salary workers: smart and dumb. The dumb ones think they should actually work more than they get paid for in an effort to impress their boss. Their hope is to "move-up," resulting in a slight pay raise and way more responsibility for which they will work tons more hours. Their kind tends to die young and not reproduce. Thus the number of smart salaried people is ever increasing.
True example: "Janice" "works" in a corporate office. She goes to work from 10 to 2 because that is how long she can stand to leave her dog at the doggie daycare. She spends most of her time watching her dog on the daycare webcam. One day a coworker entered her office finding her in tears, "What's wrong Janice?" "None of the other dogs are playing with my dog." Janice went home early and still got paid.
This lead me back to last Thursday. I was at work, because I didn't get paid like the smart salary people to go to Iggy's and watch television's gift to mankind, the NCAA Tournament, on more plasma screens than a man has eyes to follow. I felt like a Jehovah's Witness kid on Halloween. Every house on Earth is handing out limitless free candy and I'm stuck at Kingdom Hall counting the number of times the word witness appears in the book of Isaiah. I should have waited 'till April to get a job.
It's true I have a new job. I'm coming up on my one-month anniversary. They might as well just fire me now and get it over with.
So, I didn't get a job because I didn't like unemployment, it was great. I spent time pondering important questions like:
"How much can a guy get for a teetotalling kidney these days?"
Unfortunately I was no longer getting paid to write this blog, so I quit. I wasn't about to let the blog people fire me too.
My new job is cool. By cool I mean I'll have lots to write about.
For starters, last Thursday was the worst day of my life. I'm an hourly worker, which means I have to actually be at work for an hour to get paid for it. Long ago a very wise man decided he should get paid whether he worked or not. He called his plan "Salary."
There are two types of salary workers: smart and dumb. The dumb ones think they should actually work more than they get paid for in an effort to impress their boss. Their hope is to "move-up," resulting in a slight pay raise and way more responsibility for which they will work tons more hours. Their kind tends to die young and not reproduce. Thus the number of smart salaried people is ever increasing.
True example: "Janice" "works" in a corporate office. She goes to work from 10 to 2 because that is how long she can stand to leave her dog at the doggie daycare. She spends most of her time watching her dog on the daycare webcam. One day a coworker entered her office finding her in tears, "What's wrong Janice?" "None of the other dogs are playing with my dog." Janice went home early and still got paid.
This lead me back to last Thursday. I was at work, because I didn't get paid like the smart salary people to go to Iggy's and watch television's gift to mankind, the NCAA Tournament, on more plasma screens than a man has eyes to follow. I felt like a Jehovah's Witness kid on Halloween. Every house on Earth is handing out limitless free candy and I'm stuck at Kingdom Hall counting the number of times the word witness appears in the book of Isaiah. I should have waited 'till April to get a job.
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