Odd phenomenon #1 and the traveling trophy

I've learned two things from starting this blog.
First, everyone else hates their job too.
Second, I have some serious angst. I really wish I was making some of this up, but it's all true.

My very first day at work I started noticing that I had several copies of different invoices etc. as I was entering them in the computer.

Me: "Funny joke, way to mess with the new guy."

After a few more duplicates: "Kinda funny, but I have seen the Lorax and I know where the wasting of limited resources will eventually get us."

After catching my boss' wife making a copy of a copy and putting them both in my inbox: "This is clearly a personality disorder."

She can't seem to help herself. She gets a form, makes two copies, and gives me one of the copies and the original. She then loses her copy in her personal tornado for the next month. When it resurfaces she makes another copy and gives me both. She makes FEMA look efficient. Now everytime I see her near a copy machine I hear the music that plays when the Wicked Witch of the West goes flying by.

Realizing that our bogus insurance plan will not cover the medication necessary to cure the disorder (Arsenic), I asked my self the most important question in work history: "What Would Jim Do?"

I decided that Jim would fashion a traveling trophy out of paper clips and scotch tape and award it to the individual amongst a secret group of employees who gives the boss' wife a form that would result in me receiving the most copies possible. I have 5 copies of the current tropy holder's time off request for a vacation next July, and my job is in no way related to the granting or tracking of time off.

I'll try to post a picture of the trophy soon. Maybe I'll sell them from my online gift shop.
Stay tuned and keep your "Office" experiences coming.

I'm really gaining some momentum here.

"Hey you posted on your blog yesterday, where could you possibly be getting all this free time?"

Answer: "At Work."

Lots of productive things happen at work. I'm pretty sure the Internet was invented by a bored dude at work.
Bored Dude at Work: "I wonder what the score of the game is. In fact, I wonder what the score of every game is and how much money is in my bank account and what day of the week it will be when I turn 67 and qualify for maximum social security benefits so I can finally retire because my company's lame retirement plan gets less interest than home teachers on Super Bowl Sunday."
The Internet soon followed.

I'm thinking some good will come of this. More on that later.

My wife brought up one possible problem: "What if your boss finds your blog?"
Good question, but then I realized, "My boss can't find his butt with both hands, how would he ever find my blog?"
I guess if he ever does find it he will probably think: "This can't be our Caleb, he sits in his office all day working on his computer while I provide flawless leadership to the flagship company of my profession."
I think I'm safe. If not, sorry boss about the both hands comment. You also can't keep all of your spit in your mouth when you talk, but hey, who's counting?

P.S I turn 67 on a Saturday.

I'm certain that Hell only exists from 9 to 5

Hi, I'm Caleb and my wife is a blogaholic. I'm not sure I like the idea of piggybacking off her blog. It's kinda like climbing the rope in gym; I feel a little too exposed in front of a group of girls and I can only imagine the awkward ways that I might get burned.

Yes, I go to work for 39 hours and 25 minutes a week.
No, I do not like it.
Why 39:25 you say?
Answer: We round to the nearest quarter hour, so 7:53 counts as 8. (for those looking for the calculator on the computer, 7 minutes a day for 5 days a week)
Isn't that dishonest?
Answer: No, dishonesty would be the soul-sucking I receive for 7 hours and 53 minutes day with little compensation and no benefits in return.

Example (actual conversation):
Boss: "Caleb, never throw anything away."
What I actually hear: "I am the king of impossible demands and the earth will one day be my cesspool"
My actual reply: "Sure, no problem."
What my reply meant: "I have thrown away everything for the past six months and no one has noticed so why stop now?"
Boss: "Great, 'cause this is really important."
What Boss was probably thinking: "Great, 'cause people blame the shambles of my company on my overwhelming incompetence but it is more likely due to Caleb throwing away precious paperwork."
Me: Nod
Thinking: "come on 4:53."